Nowadays, unemployment is on the rise. My generation in particular seems to be plagued with a certain "unemployableness" despite the promise that educations will solve everything. But it's not all bad! Having been in the unemployment boat for going on eight months now, I have some tips on what you can do to turn unemployment into FUNemployment! Come with me, won't you?
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| Just keep repeating that and you'll do fine. |
Keep a Schedule!
It's easy to fall out of good habits when the only person you're accountable is yourself. That's why it's important to keep a strict schedule to maintain some semblance of normalcy. First things first: wake up at the same time every day. Do what I do: set an alarm for a decent time like 9:00. When the alarm goes off immediately smash snooze. Repeat this 7 or 8 times until you finally turn the alarm off. Now, fall back asleep until precisely 10:47, then after shuffling off to the bathroom, decide to get back in bed. After browsing Reddit on your phone until 11, you're ready to get up and face the day! Make yourself an entire pot of coffee because you deserve it!
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| If you're not still in your pajamas at noon, you're doing it wrong! |
Not Having a Job is Your Job!
Looking for work? That's good! You've got to stay active and keep plugging away, no matter what! With plenty of time to perfect your resume and cover letters, they should be crisp, professional pieces of literary genius that sets you apart from the crowd but keenly makes use of key words and phrases to attract the eye of any dedicated hiring managers who totally didn't run you stuff through a computer and decide to throw it out because it didn't have those words and phrases, because it did! If you apply to a job and you don't get a response, don't get discouraged! They've got a lot on their plates so wait patiently for your rejection in 6 months! And if you never ever hear back, don't worry! You're just completely unimportant to them and most likely would have only had an ok time working for them!
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| Shh, no tears. Only FUNemployed. |
Work on Yourself!
If you're lucky enough to be where you are now, you might no longer be part of a team, but you've got all the time in the world to improve yourself as an individual! Time to stretch those legs and build up that physique! Can't afford a gym membership? Don't fret! The world is your gym! But don't forget that the brain can be worked on too! Try to work out your mind at the same time as your body to save time! Some things I do to build body and mind are: going on walks and worrying about how I'll pay my bills, going for a bike ride while lamenting my lot in life, doing push ups and realizing how pointless it all is, or walking up the stairs wondering about how much coffee I have left. Try to think of you own body/mind workouts to fit your needs/worries!
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| It's a strenuous workout. |
Hobbies, Hobbies, Hobbies!
Now that you're free from the oppressive shackles of employment and earning money, you can finally pursue all your hopes and dreams, provided they don't cost anything! It's important to develop hobbies that make you an interesting person, not something you actually like. Besides, the things you once loved to spend doing in your free time will become trite and meaningless, so pretend to like something better! Remember: you've got to impress people that probably won't hire you with fake hobbies! Own a bike? Now you're a cycling enthusiast! Walked up some stairs? You're an avid hiker! Ever looked at a tree? Expert woodworker! If you like things like drawing, writing, or video games, don't even bother because the pointlessness of it all will leave you hating those things anyways!
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| Napping is also a hobby. |
Socialize!
When you don't have socializing with coworkers to fall back on, it's time to put some effort back into your social life! Facebook is a wonderful tool for that! Try to reconnect with some friends by sending them a message to see how they are. Who knows? Maybe they're in the same boat as you and can commiserate with being unemployed too! Or maybe they're nice enough to respond but are actually quite busy with their, you know, "jobs," and can't be bothered with an unemployed schlub like you! It's ok! You can just look at your news feed and get depressed by seeing how much better everyone's life is than yours! Have friends and family you can visit in real life? Great! Now make sure that you constantly feel terrible for any and all generosity they bestow on you! It's because you're great that you feel so bad!
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| I'm sorry I bothered you with my friendship. |
Now You're FUNemployed!
With these few simple tips, I know that you can turn your unemployment into FUNemployment! Remember: if you don't constantly worry about things out of your control, you're doing it wrong!
