Unemployed? More like FUNemployed!

Nowadays, unemployment is on the rise. My generation in particular seems to be plagued with a certain "unemployableness" despite the promise that educations will solve everything. But it's not all bad! Having been in the unemployment boat for going on eight months now, I have some tips on what you can do to turn unemployment into FUNemployment! Come with me, won't you?

Just keep repeating that and you'll do fine.

Keep a Schedule!

It's easy to fall out of good habits when the only person you're accountable is yourself. That's why it's important to keep a strict schedule to maintain some semblance of normalcy. First things first: wake up at the same time every day. Do what I do: set an alarm for a decent time like 9:00. When the alarm goes off immediately smash snooze. Repeat this 7 or 8 times until you finally turn the alarm off.  Now, fall back asleep until precisely 10:47, then after shuffling off to the bathroom, decide to get back in bed. After browsing Reddit on your phone until 11, you're ready to get up and face the day! Make yourself an entire pot of coffee because you deserve it!

If you're not still in your pajamas at noon, you're doing it wrong!

Not Having a Job is Your Job!

Looking for work? That's good! You've got to stay active and keep plugging away, no matter what!  With plenty of time to perfect your resume and cover letters, they should be crisp, professional pieces of literary genius that sets you apart from the crowd but keenly makes use of key words and phrases to attract the eye of any dedicated hiring managers who totally didn't run you stuff through a computer and decide to throw it out because it didn't have those words and phrases, because it did! If you apply to a job and you don't get a response, don't get discouraged! They've got a lot on their plates so wait patiently for your rejection in 6 months!  And if you never ever hear back, don't worry! You're just completely unimportant to them and most likely would have only had an ok time working for them!

Shh, no tears. Only FUNemployed.

Work on Yourself!

If you're lucky enough to be where you are now, you might no longer be part of a team, but you've got all the time in the world to improve yourself as an individual! Time to stretch those legs and build up that physique! Can't afford a gym membership? Don't fret! The world is your gym! But don't forget that the brain can be worked on too! Try to work out your mind at the same time as your body to save time! Some things I do to build body and mind are: going on walks and worrying about how I'll pay my bills, going for a bike ride while lamenting my lot in life, doing push ups and realizing how pointless it all is, or walking up the stairs wondering about how much coffee I have left. Try to think of you own body/mind workouts to fit your needs/worries!

It's a strenuous workout.

Hobbies, Hobbies, Hobbies!

Now that you're free from the oppressive shackles of employment and earning money, you can finally pursue all your hopes and dreams, provided they don't cost anything! It's important to develop hobbies that make you an interesting person, not something you actually like. Besides, the things you once loved to spend doing in your free time will become trite and meaningless, so pretend to like something better! Remember: you've got to impress people that probably won't hire you with fake hobbies! Own a bike? Now you're a cycling enthusiast! Walked up some stairs? You're an avid hiker! Ever looked at a tree?  Expert woodworker! If you like things like drawing, writing, or video games, don't even bother because the pointlessness of it all will leave you hating those things anyways! 

Napping is also a hobby.

Socialize!

When you don't have socializing with coworkers to fall back on, it's time to put some effort back into your social life! Facebook is a wonderful tool for that! Try to reconnect with some friends by sending them a message to see how they are. Who knows? Maybe they're in the same boat as you and can commiserate with being unemployed too! Or maybe they're nice enough to respond but are actually quite busy with their, you know, "jobs," and can't be bothered with an unemployed schlub like you! It's ok! You can just look at your news feed and get depressed by seeing how much better everyone's life is than yours! Have friends and family you can visit in real life? Great! Now make sure that you constantly feel terrible for any and all generosity they bestow on you! It's because you're great that you feel so bad!

I'm sorry I bothered you with my friendship.

Now You're FUNemployed!

With these few simple tips, I know that you can turn your unemployment into FUNemployment! Remember: if you don't constantly worry about things out of your control, you're doing it wrong!

The Last Cop-Out Of The Year

I promise I'll actually have a real post soon. Totally a full post, not just a cop-out drawing, like this is. I've just been too lazy/too busy to finish drawing the real one and I wanted to get at least one more post in before the end of 2011. So here it is. The first thing I drew with a tablet I got from my friends. And by drew, I mean angrily moved my hand in a pattern that eventually made a thing sort of resembling me as a bunny-man.

One of those days...

The person who worked before me must have been a lefty, otherwise I have no idea how this happened

No new post yet. Here's a picture of me.

'Cause if this blog is lacking anything, it's drawings of me making stupid faces.

This Past Year: A Look Back At My Life, In Comic Form!

There may have been some other things that happened, but clearly they don't matter, because there'll be jetpack next year! Jetpacks!

Also, remember you can click the image for a larger version.

I Freak Out When I Haven't Eaten Anything In A While: Existential Hunger Crisis

They say that pain is weakness leaving the body. But then what's weakness? Or if you're weak from the pain or painfully weak, is that more pain or more weakness which is more pain....? I have no clue, but I do know that when I'm weakened from the pain of hunger I go slightly mad.

As a busy (read: lazy) college student, I never seem to have enough time to eat proper meals. Don't misunderstand me, I eat plenty. The frequency of my meals is what throws a wrench in the cogs of my mental well-being. It's a glorious day when I can get 3 squares, however I usually only manage about 1.5 meals a day, so I'm running on about half efficiency. But on the days (like today) where I have no breaks between work and class and I get suckered into covering someone's shift after mine, I end up getting about one meal in as I slowly go insane over the course of 7 hours and question every aspect of my life more and more as time crawls on.


What I believe to be the connection between my hunger and existential crises is the physical emptiness of my stomach somehow being interpreted as emptiness of life by my famished brain. So to keep my mind alert, I often imbibe copious amounts of everyone's favorite stimulant: caffeine. And let me tell you:
caffeine + hunger = more hunger.

Case and point: I recall a day this past month where I just had a cup of coffee before heading out into the world. In about an hour I was doing all I could from breaking down and curling into fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth, weeping, while lamenting the "terrible" choices I've made in life. "Why did I choose this major?" "Why didn't I do this homework sooner?" "OH GOD, WHY DID I WEAR THAT SHIRT? IT'S PURPLE AND PLAID AND EVERYONE KNOWS PURPLE IS STUPID AND PLAID IS....ALSO STUPID!"

On the other hand, one day I actually ate breakfast and felt like I was on top of the world! Nothing could get me down! Bad grade on a quiz? No problem, there'll be another one! The back wheel of my bike is bent? Now it makes a delightful squeaking noise as it rubs against my breaks that I'm sure will never get old! Bored at work? TO THE INTERNET FOR FUNNY PICTURES OF CATS!

Your guess is as good as mine as to why I would ever not eat breakfast. (My guess is laziness. Did you guess that? No? Hmph. I guess your guess wasn't as good as mine.) But as I desperately scramble through life, I'll probably eventually realize that they weren't lying when they said breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

So I guess the moral of this blog post is: eat your Wheaties. Actually, wait. Wheaties are disgusting. Eat something for breakfast that's not gross and is appropriate for the morning meal. Like a bagel. Or some fruit. Wow this is kind of a mouthful for a succinct moral. Let's shorten it: EAT FOOD.