I Freak Out When I Haven't Eaten Anything In A While: Existential Hunger Crisis

They say that pain is weakness leaving the body. But then what's weakness? Or if you're weak from the pain or painfully weak, is that more pain or more weakness which is more pain....? I have no clue, but I do know that when I'm weakened from the pain of hunger I go slightly mad.

As a busy (read: lazy) college student, I never seem to have enough time to eat proper meals. Don't misunderstand me, I eat plenty. The frequency of my meals is what throws a wrench in the cogs of my mental well-being. It's a glorious day when I can get 3 squares, however I usually only manage about 1.5 meals a day, so I'm running on about half efficiency. But on the days (like today) where I have no breaks between work and class and I get suckered into covering someone's shift after mine, I end up getting about one meal in as I slowly go insane over the course of 7 hours and question every aspect of my life more and more as time crawls on.


What I believe to be the connection between my hunger and existential crises is the physical emptiness of my stomach somehow being interpreted as emptiness of life by my famished brain. So to keep my mind alert, I often imbibe copious amounts of everyone's favorite stimulant: caffeine. And let me tell you:
caffeine + hunger = more hunger.

Case and point: I recall a day this past month where I just had a cup of coffee before heading out into the world. In about an hour I was doing all I could from breaking down and curling into fetal position, slowly rocking back and forth, weeping, while lamenting the "terrible" choices I've made in life. "Why did I choose this major?" "Why didn't I do this homework sooner?" "OH GOD, WHY DID I WEAR THAT SHIRT? IT'S PURPLE AND PLAID AND EVERYONE KNOWS PURPLE IS STUPID AND PLAID IS....ALSO STUPID!"

On the other hand, one day I actually ate breakfast and felt like I was on top of the world! Nothing could get me down! Bad grade on a quiz? No problem, there'll be another one! The back wheel of my bike is bent? Now it makes a delightful squeaking noise as it rubs against my breaks that I'm sure will never get old! Bored at work? TO THE INTERNET FOR FUNNY PICTURES OF CATS!

Your guess is as good as mine as to why I would ever not eat breakfast. (My guess is laziness. Did you guess that? No? Hmph. I guess your guess wasn't as good as mine.) But as I desperately scramble through life, I'll probably eventually realize that they weren't lying when they said breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

So I guess the moral of this blog post is: eat your Wheaties. Actually, wait. Wheaties are disgusting. Eat something for breakfast that's not gross and is appropriate for the morning meal. Like a bagel. Or some fruit. Wow this is kind of a mouthful for a succinct moral. Let's shorten it: EAT FOOD.