Losing My Keys: A Bad Day That, In Retrospect, Wasn't So Bad

You know the feeling. You've lost your keys. Now you can't get into your house, car, or any number of places. Well, yesterday the same thing happened to me. As soon as I got to campus I was surprised to realize that my keys, in all their jingly goodness, were NOT in my coat pocket like I believed them to be. I mumbled a certain expletive deleted and locked my bike up. This began what was one of the most needlessly stressful days of my life.

I immediately thought that my keys fell out of my coat pocket. Now, had I been rational, I'd have realized that I've never had my keys fall out of my pocket without hearing them delightfully jingle to the ground. And if I'd been even more rational, I'd have remembered that I've been riding my bike to and from campus for roughly 4 years now and never once have had my keys fall out of any jacket. But I was not being rational. I daresay I was being irrational.

So my first thoughts were of my keys, falling, in slow motion, from my pocket, only to land in the nearby creek and be swept away, never to be seen again. Which makes perfect sense, of course. I ride my bike through a park that has a path next to a creek. And by next to a creek, I mean about 20 feet away from a creek. So somehow, my keys would have had to launch themselves from my pocket and soar the 20 feet to the creek and then somehow become weightless enough to be swept away by the actually pretty stagnant water.

But I was already late for my recitation. I couldn't go back to look! And it'd be dark the next time I would be able to go back and look. Curses! I begrudgingly made my way to class and grumbled some more inappropriate words to myself. Or at least I hope those words were quiet enough that it could be considered "to myself" and not "loud enough that people think I'm crazy."

I ran on auto pilot through my recitation. Barely distracted enough not to think about my keys. Man, now I'll have to replace all of them! That's the 2 house keys, the mail key, the key for my broken car, the key to my brother's broken car, the keys to my parent's house... In my second class I turned in what was perhaps the harshest class survey I've ever turned in. I actually put disagree in some categories rather than neutral. I feel so dirty.

Well f....dang, I thought to myself, my USB drive is on my keys too! Now I can't save all the hilarious pictures I find on the interne- I mean save all the important powerpoint presentations and spreadsheets I have. One more thing to worry about. One more thing to make me moody. I was somewhat snippy with the guy at the Bagel Place when he took forever with my card. This whole key situation was turning me into a monster!

In a moment of clarity, I texted my roommates to see when/if they'd be home today. Maybe I just left my keys on my desk and they could check for me. Hold on, I usually give myself a quick pat down to check I have the necessities (wallet, phone, keys, ....iPod) I must have dropped them! But I had to try! Maybe I just thought my keys were in my coat because my gloves were also in that pocket. They're probably nestled comfortably on my desk next to all my awesome desk chotchkies. My roommate Jeff said he wouldn't be home until 4:30. That's when I start work. Now I'll never know where my keys are! And by never I mean I won't know until then!

I scarfed down a bagel or two with my buddy Rob from class. He was having a great day, he told me. "Well I'm glad everything's turning up Rob today, but I lost my keys!" I complained at him, "And my phone's battery is almost dead! Which bothers me for some reason!" Despite my complaining, Rob still had a good day.

At precisely 4:16, I received a text: "No luck my man." My heart sank. KEYS! Why Have you forsaken me! I angrily tore off my coat. The anger had caused me to perspire. I knew I should have worn a lighter coat. *GASP* I had worn a lighter coat! At least before I left the house I had! It was on my bed! A quick text to Jeff. The longest minute in my life waiting in reply hoping my phone had enough juice to receive one last text message......

"Luck. Found em" HUZZAH! I've triumphed over .... adversity? Well, not really. I've triumphed over something that was sure. I looked around to see if any one was looking and did a jump and heel click. Crap, people were looking. But I don't care! My keys are waiting for me at home! Nothing could get me down! I had survived being unable to enter my home and therefore I had survived being homeless.

Work was a blur of helping people print and looking at time wasting stuff on the Internet (mostly the latter). I pedaled home at my leisure and found my keys, on my bed, next to the jacket I should have worn. As my phone weakly vibrated to indicate it's near-dead battery, I hooked it up to the charger, happily jingled my keys, and grabbed myself an orange cream soda. Because I deserved it. Probably.