Unemployed? More like FUNemployed!

Nowadays, unemployment is on the rise. My generation in particular seems to be plagued with a certain "unemployableness" despite the promise that educations will solve everything. But it's not all bad! Having been in the unemployment boat for going on eight months now, I have some tips on what you can do to turn unemployment into FUNemployment! Come with me, won't you?

Just keep repeating that and you'll do fine.

Keep a Schedule!

It's easy to fall out of good habits when the only person you're accountable is yourself. That's why it's important to keep a strict schedule to maintain some semblance of normalcy. First things first: wake up at the same time every day. Do what I do: set an alarm for a decent time like 9:00. When the alarm goes off immediately smash snooze. Repeat this 7 or 8 times until you finally turn the alarm off.  Now, fall back asleep until precisely 10:47, then after shuffling off to the bathroom, decide to get back in bed. After browsing Reddit on your phone until 11, you're ready to get up and face the day! Make yourself an entire pot of coffee because you deserve it!

If you're not still in your pajamas at noon, you're doing it wrong!

Not Having a Job is Your Job!

Looking for work? That's good! You've got to stay active and keep plugging away, no matter what!  With plenty of time to perfect your resume and cover letters, they should be crisp, professional pieces of literary genius that sets you apart from the crowd but keenly makes use of key words and phrases to attract the eye of any dedicated hiring managers who totally didn't run you stuff through a computer and decide to throw it out because it didn't have those words and phrases, because it did! If you apply to a job and you don't get a response, don't get discouraged! They've got a lot on their plates so wait patiently for your rejection in 6 months!  And if you never ever hear back, don't worry! You're just completely unimportant to them and most likely would have only had an ok time working for them!

Shh, no tears. Only FUNemployed.

Work on Yourself!

If you're lucky enough to be where you are now, you might no longer be part of a team, but you've got all the time in the world to improve yourself as an individual! Time to stretch those legs and build up that physique! Can't afford a gym membership? Don't fret! The world is your gym! But don't forget that the brain can be worked on too! Try to work out your mind at the same time as your body to save time! Some things I do to build body and mind are: going on walks and worrying about how I'll pay my bills, going for a bike ride while lamenting my lot in life, doing push ups and realizing how pointless it all is, or walking up the stairs wondering about how much coffee I have left. Try to think of you own body/mind workouts to fit your needs/worries!

It's a strenuous workout.

Hobbies, Hobbies, Hobbies!

Now that you're free from the oppressive shackles of employment and earning money, you can finally pursue all your hopes and dreams, provided they don't cost anything! It's important to develop hobbies that make you an interesting person, not something you actually like. Besides, the things you once loved to spend doing in your free time will become trite and meaningless, so pretend to like something better! Remember: you've got to impress people that probably won't hire you with fake hobbies! Own a bike? Now you're a cycling enthusiast! Walked up some stairs? You're an avid hiker! Ever looked at a tree?  Expert woodworker! If you like things like drawing, writing, or video games, don't even bother because the pointlessness of it all will leave you hating those things anyways! 

Napping is also a hobby.

Socialize!

When you don't have socializing with coworkers to fall back on, it's time to put some effort back into your social life! Facebook is a wonderful tool for that! Try to reconnect with some friends by sending them a message to see how they are. Who knows? Maybe they're in the same boat as you and can commiserate with being unemployed too! Or maybe they're nice enough to respond but are actually quite busy with their, you know, "jobs," and can't be bothered with an unemployed schlub like you! It's ok! You can just look at your news feed and get depressed by seeing how much better everyone's life is than yours! Have friends and family you can visit in real life? Great! Now make sure that you constantly feel terrible for any and all generosity they bestow on you! It's because you're great that you feel so bad!

I'm sorry I bothered you with my friendship.

Now You're FUNemployed!

With these few simple tips, I know that you can turn your unemployment into FUNemployment! Remember: if you don't constantly worry about things out of your control, you're doing it wrong!

Wait, I have a blog?! Oh, right...

Poor me. I guess I didn't so much "forget that I have a blog" as much as I "am lazy ."  My entire time in Korea would have been an excellent source for a blog in and of itself. Yet I did nothing. I retreated to my 8 square foot apartment and forgot the world. Now that I'm back in my much larger, 9 square foot room in my parents' house, I think it's time to start writing/poorly drawing my blog again!  That is until I eventually neglect it.

Things I Should Have Done In College

Now that I'm "officially' done with college (I was unofficially done about 2 years ago, when I stopped caring), I have the perfect time to reflect on the things I did. After about 5 minutes of that I then realized I didn't do a lot of things.  The following is a list of things wanted to do, but didn't.


1. Updated My Blog More (Specifically About That Trip)

I'll start this off with an admission: a good portion of the reason I'm writing this particular blog post is to try out my new drawing tablet that my amazing friends got me for graduation. Following that admission, I'd like to thank Austin, Christian and Shelly for making me have to draw more.

Maybe now the floating, disembodied heads of my friends will stop haunting me.

Now, I'd like to issue an apology. I'm sorry I said I'd do a blog post about the trip last August and then never made one. I'm sure you've noticed that I'm super lazy. The fact that this post is even up (it is up, right?) is a miracle. Sure I could make excuses like: "I'm too tired" or "I can't draw" or "I have to pass this class so I can graduate," but I know now that this blog is like, super important. For serious.

I resolve now to post at least one long blog post a month, or 2 short ones. If I don't keep up with the posts, I give anyone permission to come to my place of residence and slap me until I make one. Did I mention I'll be living in South Korea for a year?

2. Kept Up With Friends (Or To Not Have Been A Total Social Recluse)

Save for the aforementioned three people and my roommates, I feel like the little social interaction I had over the last year or so has made me somewhat of a hermit. In fact I recall about a month this last summer where both my roommates were gone and "all" my other friends were out of town or busy. Most people would call it June, but I like to call the Garlic Month.

I call it so because I partook of pepperoni and garlic pizza at least once a week and as a result, for the first time I could actually feel how bad I smelled. On top of it all I frequently talked to myself, and, if I didn't have work that day, I would just stay in my pajamas. Had my beard been longer and grayer, I would have been the very model of a stereotypical hermit. Once I even got to yell at some kids for hitting a baseball into our window!

And I also became an olde timey prospector that same month.

Aside from that month, I've kept an acceptable appearance/smell for society. So why do I feel like society is forcing me to be a recluse? Or "reclusing" me, if you will.  Well, the problem isn't society; it's me.  And it's my own stupid fault I can't keep up with friends.  I just get too awkward about calling people.  I'm never sure on the etiquette on calling friends you haven't talked to for awhile. So to avoid all awkwardness, I usually just don't call. That can actually lead to further awkwardness later on. Unfortunately, I've never been a good at thinking ahead. Just ask me anytime after I've fallen for eating some Panda Express again.

3. Found Out What That Noise I Always Heard When Walking Past The Student Center Theater Was

Every single time I walked by it sounded like someone was drilling for about 5 seconds. There was never a time I walked by when I did not hear the sound. It obviously couldn't have been some sort of machinery, so my mind instantly came up with the following scenario: the slowest, most patient heist ever pulled. Slowly drilling into the vault, only turning the drill on for 5 seconds at a time over the course of 4 years and coincidentally only when I walked by. It is the only logical explanation.

My theory doesn't go over as well when I shout it at random passers-by.

4. Chose A Major That I Liked

To those that know me, which is really anyone who reads this blog, it is no secret that I kind of actually hate my major.  Sure, it didn't start out that way. At the beginning I'd feel like a whiz getting the console to output "Hello World" or finally figuring out how a loop worked. Fast forward a few years and I felt like a moron when, for an assignment involving a 3D simulation of a flood in Poudre Valley, all I could do was turn the entire screen blue.  This resulted in me having to repeat that class and put off graduation another semester.

I was barely a decent programmer and what little joy I got from supposedly solving a problem was squashed when I'd get my grades back. So why did I choose computer science? It was all because of a clever ruse pulled by the Computer Science Department.  My freshman year when I was "branching out" I tried loads of things, English, Political Science, Oceanography, more English.  But one class can be attributed to my downfall: CS150.

CS150 was a Java programming class not intended for CS majors. Let me repeat that: it was NOT intended for CS majors so it was not indicative of the course work.  Somewhere in my mind I knew, but I completely ignored it. Instead, I was amazed by the subject matter, silently hoping that this is what programmers got to do.

What was the class about, you say? Shapes, basically. We learned how to draw shapes in Java. It was essentially the preschool equivalent of programming.

Fooled by that class, I signed up for CS160 the next semester. And if I hadn't done that... well my life would be decidedly different, but more to the matter at hand, I wouldn't have number 5 on this list.


5. Been The Better Person (For The Wrong Reasons)

In my CS160 class, I met my future ex-girlfriend. There were things about our relationship that I thought might cause a problem down the line, but I foolishly ignored them. After about 2-ish years, she dumped me in the summer of 2010 for reasons that were never clear to me (and perhaps to her).  I won't lie; I was devastated and I'm still feeling the effects.

Not being stupid or irrational at all.

Dealing with an extremely damaged ego and going to therapy for a year made me come to terms with a lot of personal problems.  Yet, no matter how much I pushed through the tough times, there was always one thing I just felt like I had to do. It was the one thing I wanted to do more than anything, but never got the chance:  to get the most polite revenge ever.

I played it out in my mind. I'd see her one last time, we'd have awkward eye contact, and I'd say, as genuinely as I could, "Hey. Take care of yourself." Then just walk away. No time for her to respond. Just leave. At that point the camera would slowly zoom out and the credits would roll.

Then my glasses would inexplicably darken and something would explode.

It's silly, I know that it would have been a bad idea, and I'm glad I actually never did do it. She's got her own life now and I wish her all the best (well, most of the best, she did cause me untold amounts of existential turmoil). But I've got my own life to worry about and, with any luck, can still get some revenge by living it. That'll show her!

The Last Cop-Out Of The Year

I promise I'll actually have a real post soon. Totally a full post, not just a cop-out drawing, like this is. I've just been too lazy/too busy to finish drawing the real one and I wanted to get at least one more post in before the end of 2011. So here it is. The first thing I drew with a tablet I got from my friends. And by drew, I mean angrily moved my hand in a pattern that eventually made a thing sort of resembling me as a bunny-man.

The Shavening

It's no secret that I've become attached to my facial hair. So when a job I'm applying for required "less beard," my heart sank. Never before had my razor felt so heavy. I steeled my courage and began.

I forgot I don't actually have a jawline.

Drawing? More Like Discouraging

After nearly a year with this blog, I've been told that my drawing is at least getting more consistent. That's good, and I do agree. And it's not entirely because of copy/paste either, I've been practicing. However, this is my reaction after seeing basically any other drawing done by anyone else, ever.

Ever.

Look at the internet. There are entire websites of crappy art that is way better than what I can do. I can't help but get discouraged. Granted, I don't have a $2000 art program or a $500 tablet and I haven't spent $GodKnowsHowMuch on an art degree; I use MSPaint, a mouse and my moxie. But I want so badly to be better! So I practice and look for (admittedly) lazy ways to get better and I inevitably I see someone else who is streets ahead of me and I get discouraged again. It is a cycle and it is vicious.

I realize there's always going to be someone better than me, no matter how good I am, so I'm fine with mediocrity. It's both a blessing and a curse. I've always had a natural talent for certain things, I've just always complained when I felt inadequate, instead of actually developing my skills.

So, for the first time ever, I plan to stop that attitude and continue to improve until I'm at the peak of mediocrity. Perhaps even one day, I may be pretty good at drawing. At which point I will write "I'm kind of ok at something," in my journal, which is totally not a real thing that I actually have.

Actually, I think I want that as my epitaph: He was kind of ok at a lot of things.

No, wait! A motivational poster!

Sometimes, it's too hard to resist.